5 communication errors that do not allow happy relationships in couples
These are some of the communication errors with the greatest capacity to damage couple relationships.
When you look closely at how human interaction occurs, and that in this process of relating to each other, satisfaction and happiness are produced for all, it is quite paradoxical that being a goal that is clear enough, it cannot be achieved.
When it comes to to analyze failed couple relationshipsFor some it is a real odyssey, since they fail not only in the first attempt but also in the following ones. And in the face of these setbacks, instead of motivating themselves to look for the real reasons for their breakup, they rather dedicate themselves to look for culprits in order to justify their failures.
Some elements must be considered when it comes to delve into this kind of sources of discomfort, and among them are the wrong ways of communicating, not respecting previous agreements, incorrect individuation processes, infidelity, drug addiction, alcoholism or gambling, physical or verbal aggression, assuming the wrong roles....
I am going to focus in this article on the subject of communication failures in the couple's relationship.I am going to focus in this article on the subject of communication failures in the relationship, not because I am underestimating the importance of the others mentioned above, which are also causes of love breakups, but because of the relevance that this one has, due to the fact that it is one of the most approached in therapy processes.
Wrong ways of communicating as a couple
The basis of the success or failure in a relationship is directly related to the way you express what you think and feel.. It is what defines the relationship.
Scholars on the subject have made great contributions especially from The Theory of Human Communication, generated by Watzlawick, Beavin and Jackson.
In the analysis of this theory there are some compendiums that are important and must be considered. The first of these is known as Communication Axiomwhere it is explained that in all human interaction "it is impossible not to communicate".
We are always communicating either verbally or nonverbally. In verbal communication we say what we are thinking and feeling, although there may be concealment of information.In nonverbal communication, body posture can give clues as to what is going on in the mind of the interlocutor, and on many occasions it may be too evident even if not expressed in words.
For example, if you are feeling anger or resentment when you are having a difference of opinion with someone, verbally you may lose control and use words that can hurt the other person. If you use nonverbal language, frowning or crossing your arms or blushing could mean that you do not agree with what you are hearing, even if you do not articulate a word.
It is also important to take into account that everything you say or do will be influenced by emotions such as anger, impatience, pride, frustration... which will directly and negatively affect the outcome of that interaction.
The following is an explanation of the different scenarios that can occur in a couple's communicative interaction.
1. When suffering from "psychological deafness".
This disorder attacks both men and women, although from my experience in therapeutic processes, it is the men who carry the flag. This is due to the fact that, in many cases, very infrequently listen carefully to the communicative intention of their partner because they do not give it the importance it really has.
2. When you keep an apparent silence
This failure occurs when you keep an apparent silence although internally you are generating an emotional volcano inside you, which sooner or later will explode.that sooner or later will explode. It is not a good idea to remain silent when you have to speak, because the other person could mistakenly believe that he or she is right.
It happens when you do not say a word because you have no way to defend yourself, and not because you are not right, but because you feel helpless or defenseless against the arguments or attitude of your partner.
When this happens, it is because you have adopted a submissive role, which is detrimental to your self-esteem.to the point of believing that your opinion is worthless.
3. When you do not control yourself and you allow all your anger, frustration or discomfort to come out in that moment.
...Taking attitudes that can physically or emotionally harm the other person.. Violent attitudes or words generate violence. Remember that it takes two to fight.
4. When you assume that the responsibility is yours
When the arguments raised make you believe in many occasions that you are responsible for what is happening, because your partner makes you feel that way.because that's how your partner makes you feel.
5. When you communicate in only one way
That is to say, you are firmly convinced that you are absolutely right, and the other person is not allowed to return what he/she has understood from the content of the message..
What to do then?
The formation of humans never ends; therefore, one should not believe that one already knows everything in terms of interpersonal relationships, where the most important thing is at stake.It is essential to first recognize how we are shaped by the way we communicate with each other.
It is essential to first recognize how we are psychologically shaped to be aware of the interpretative mechanisms of our reality, which translate events in the wrong way, throwing an inner message that becomes an obstacle preventing a clear and open communication.
Learning to manage thoughts and emotions requires training, which will help the person to develop the capacity to will help the person to develop the capacity to know him/herself with the purpose of realizing the difficulty you have when trying to express what you think and feel.
It is essential to know the reason why you get stuck in the wrong way of interpreting what is going on around you, because that is where communication breakdowns occur.