How to enjoy bachelorhood? 5 tips to squeeze its potential
Tips to learn how to enjoy singleness and take advantage of its benefits.
For a long time, there has been a tendency to assume that every successful life project involves having a partner and, from that loving relationship, creating a family. This has meant that for centuries singleness has had to be "excused" so as not to be seen as something that speaks ill of the person without a partner; this kind of explanation could range from consecrating one's life to religion (through celibacy) to carrying a very ambitious professional career that requires total dedication to work.
In any case, in the absence of one of these reasons to justify spinsterhood, it was seen as a sign that something was wrong with the person, neither married, nor had a boyfriend or girlfriend. The idea that one could be a normal, ordinary person while being happy without a partner was inconceivable... and although this may seem a very irrational and prejudiced belief, the truth is that it still permeates our popular culture today. Automatically, almost unconsciously, we associate the concept of "single adult" with an incomplete way of life, incapable of producing real well-being.
Therefore, in this article we will review several key ideas that show that it is perfectly possible to be a single adult. key ideas that show that it is perfectly possible to enjoy singleness without aspiring for it to end as soon as possible..
5 tips for enjoying singleness
As we have already mentioned, the importance that the institution of the traditional family has had for much of history has meant that singlehood has been seen as an anomaly or deviation from normality, something that must be accompanied by a satisfactory explanation so that it does not detract from a person's dignity..
This kind of stigma has affected above all women, who until not so long ago were seen basically as a reproductive resource with no capacity for self-realization beyond the spheres of child rearing and domestic affairs; but it has also affected men, who were deprived of access to a paternal role and the role of "master of the house" (leader and protector of the family). And the ideas and beliefs we have inherited from previous generations may cause expectations to become reality; that is, single people, assuming they are seen as outsiders past adolescence, may perceive themselves as incomplete or even failed subjects.
But the truth is that, through a correct management of emotions and a process of deep self-knowledge, it is perfectly possible to be happy being single.It is perfectly possible to be happy being single and to counteract the limiting influence of those stereotypes and prejudices that still survive.
1. Start a diary of emotions to detect your dysfunctional beliefs.
If until now you have been experiencing singleness as a problem, it is most likely that this is due, at least in part, to the fact that you have internalized a series of dysfunctional beliefs based on prejudices; ideas that you have accepted out of pure social pressure, and for that reason you have not stopped to assess whether they are in line with reality and whether they bring you well-being or detract from it.
In order to detect these problematic beliefs, it is very useful to fill in an emotional diaryA small notebook in which you make brief notes about what you feel in the moments of greater emotional intensity of the day, what goes through your head in situations that are significant for you. Once you have been writing for a little more than a week, it will be easy for you to review the previous pages and detect certain main ideas, frequent themes and general beliefs behind your way of thinking.
2. Don't let your free time go to solitary activities.
Although being a single person does not equate to having a lot of free time, it is a fact that on average, those without a partner have more hours free of responsibilities than those who are in a marriage or a courtship. Therefore, when in such situations most of the rest or leisure time is devoted to solitary activities, social isolation is more noticeable, social isolation is more noticeableand, in the medium term, it tends to generate a feeling of disconnection with the environment.
Therefore, this "extra" free time must be compensated with also an "extra" effort to make this contain moments dedicated to oneself and dedicated to be in the company of friends and family.
3. Learn to stop seeing previous breakups as a failure.
One of the elements that make it more difficult to enjoy singleness is to see it as the way of life that we have to go through after failing in a relationship, that is, the state that reminds us that "we have not been able to keep someone by our side". This totally toxic view of the facts is closely related to the idea of the better half, according to which we are made to share our lives with someone through a relationship based on romantic love.
However, the truth is that human beings are not fabrications created to fit into a couple's relationship; for better or worse, we are made to share our lives with someone based on romantic love.For better or worse, we are much more versatile than that, and in fact history shows that we can adapt to a huge variety of environments and situations.
To get rid of this harmful idea, stop focusing only on the things you did in your previous relationships that made it difficult to consolidate that courtship or marriage, and adopt a more global perspective of what happened. Can it be said that it was all your fault? Is guilt a useful concept to understand what happened and learn from it? The incompatibility between two people in a relationship is something that goes beyond moral considerations about the good or bad that each one did.
4. Savor your independence
Singleness goes hand in hand with greater independence. Explore the potential of this asset of your way of life. Do not have as a reference what people with a partner do.If you're not sure what you'd like to do, create your own way to enjoy your choices by focusing on what you really like: create a list of things you'd like to do in the next two months, and then another list of things you'd like to do in the next six months. Keeping these goals in mind will help you assess your ability to adapt to those projects without having to talk it over with anyone else.
5. Value what sex-affective relationships without commitment bring you.
Beyond the same ultra-conservative morality from which we have inherited the stigmatization of singleness, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sex without commitment, there's nothing wrong with enjoying sexuality without major commitments and without the and without the trappings of romantic love. Practice developing your seduction skills and engaging others in them, and let that become part of your way of life by letting go of complexes. Remember that if you don't set specific goals that involve getting out of your comfort zone when it comes to meeting people, your enjoyment of this aspect of life will be limited.