Excessive preoccupation with others (causes and solutions)
A reflection on excessive concern for others and its emotional effects.
Worrying about other human beings (your partner, family, friends, children...) is a natural consequence of being human.. We are social, affective and emotional beings, and weaving bonds with others is part of our nature.
However, when this concern conditions your well-being to such an extent that it distresses you or is excessive, the situation is not so pleasant. Why does this happen? What is the reason for it? And above all, how to solve it?
The problem of excessive concern towards others.
Excessive concern towards others can be defined as an anxiety-related state of mind in which your well-being depends on what situation others are in or how you are affected by it..
As others are a factor that you cannot control, this worry ends up being a problem, which is also accompanied by ruminations (intrusive and constant thoughts), tiredness and discouragement. Here is a possible surprise: this problem repeats itself and in all areas.. Let's see the causes, relationships, and above all, the solution to this through your own personal change (which is the only thing you can work with directly).
First of all it is important to differentiate between the possible ways in which concern for others can manifest itself. Tell me which case you identify with (even if it is from home or from your cell phone; you can tell me about it by email).
Excessive concern for the welfare of others
When you need others to be well because you even consider that the well-being of others depends in some way on you (this can happen with children or even with a partner if we live in an anxious relationship pattern). (this can happen with the children or also with the partner if we live the relationship from an anxious pattern). This type of excessive preoccupation could be defined, rather, as "excessive preoccupation for fear of the other's discomfort".
Excessive preoccupation for fear of what people will say
When you are worried about what others think, feel or do in relation to how you have behaved previously. This leads to a difficulty to communicate assertively, to be able to express your limits (what you want, what you think, what you can, and of course, what you don't want, what you don't think and what you can't or don't feel like doing). This situation makes you feel that others condition you too much.
Excessive preoccupation with guilt
When you think that something you did might be a problem for othersyou worry, inquire and try to look for solutions in the face of the unknown.
Where then is the problem?
In any of these cases, in principle different, we find a common point: a state of anxiety, guilt, insecurity and fear. Yes, at all times these are emotions that make your well-being depend not on you but on others.and this is an external factor that you cannot control.
Before continuing I leave you all the information of this article in a video where I explain it to you personally. So you can choose the format you like the most. Press play!
Emotions are not a problem, but your way of understanding and managing them.. That you care about others, and above all that you take care of others (to the extent of your possibilities and responsibilities) is a natural human attitude (the opposite, i.e. not making an effort to help others, would be even more problematic and worrying). That this worry exceeds your limits makes your well-being depend on what you cannot control, which leads you into a spiral of anxiety, distress and frustration.
Anxiety leads us to ruminate thoughts, to inquire, and to worry more.. An anxious state is still a state of alertness, of fear that has become generalized. Insecurity and fear make you wonder about possible repercussions, about the extent to which you could have been responsible or what you could have done more. Frustration and discouragement is also a natural consequence of trying to solve what is out of your hands.
Solutions: concern yes, the human and possible
The solution lies in learning to understand and manage these emotions so that, while you help and consider the other person, your well-being depends mainly on you.. This helps you set clear boundaries, know where your responsibility ends (i.e., where you can't really do anything because it depends on the other person's decisions or difficulties), be able to communicate assertively, and generate well-being as well as build more positive and balanced relationships.
Fear, insecurity, even frustration, are necessary emotions in their proper degree. The key is to understand them and know how to manage them so that they are functional and you feel them in their right and adequate degree.
I am now going to make you a special proposal. In empoderamientohumano.com you can find an option to schedule a first free exploratory session with me (via Whatsapp) to get to know each other, explore your situation, discover the problem, find a solution and see how I can accompany you. You can schedule it with no problem (but only if you have a real commitment with you to do your learning and overcome this difficulty for good).
Thank you very much for thinking of you, Ruben