How to overcome infidelity in a marriage?
Here are some ideas on how to overcome infidelity in the context of marriage.
Unfortunately, infidelity is not a rare occurrence even in relationships that are apparently more consolidated.
In Western countries, it is estimated that approximately 30% of people in a romantic relationship have been unfaithful to their partner, and this percentage does not change significantly when we look only at people who are in a marriage.
However, the fact that these kinds of events are not statistically uncommon does not mean that, where infidelity is discovered, it is not a very strong emotional blow. In almost all cases, the person who has been cheated on feels a high level of distress, and this kind of crisis often leads to a breakup or even divorce.
However, even once the rules of exclusivity in the relationship have been broken, it is possible to manage this experience better or worse. Therefore, in this article we will look at some keys to know how to overcome an infidelity produced in the context of a marriage..
What happens when a crisis is triggered by infidelity in the relationship?
First of all, it is necessary to understand what are the psychological elements that play a role in the crises that occur after discovering that one has been the victim of infidelity..
Infidelity can take many forms, and although we usually associate this term with the fact of having sexual relations with someone outside the couple, in reality it does not have to be so, nor is it limited to this type of actions. An infidelity is the fact of breaking with the monogamous couple pact in general, so it can consist of kissing, sexting, having a romantic date, etc. The magnitude of the crisis usually varies depending on the degree of intensity of this intimate approach.
On the other hand, it must be taken into account that infidelities usually hurt more when the couple's relationship is based on a very consolidated cohabitation, especially when they are already in a marriage and/or have had children with the person who has been unfaithful.
The reason is that the implications of such a crisis are felt in more ways, and the anticipatory anxiety about theThe reason for this is that the implications of this crisis are felt in more ways, and the anticipatory anxiety at the idea of breaking up becomes stronger, because it is not the same to stop seeing a person with whom we have only been dating and who does not live with us, as it is to break up with someone with whom we have created a family. The prospect of seeing our own life transformed can be suffocating.
How to overcome an infidelity in the context of marriage? 6 tips
Here are some key ideas to help you overcome an infidelity in the context of married life, so that the emotional crisis it produces can be resolved in the best possible way.
1. Give yourself the time you need
Once it is certain that the infidelity has taken place, the responsibilities towards the couple's relationship are suspended; it is not necessary to continue investing time and efforts in it unless we are sure that it is worth it.
Therefore, it is important to be aware that at this point it is perfectly legal to break off the relationship. it is perfectly licit to break off the relationship immediately, without even givingwithout even giving explanations. The efforts that are going to be made to re-strengthen the love bond must be made once we have clearly decided to give it another chance.
2. Do not assume that breaking up is a failure.
Overcoming an infidelity does not mean going back to living together as a couple with that person as if nothing had happened.. Something will have to change, either in the relationship or in the fact that the relationship is no longer being continued.
Opting for separation or divorce, in some cases, is not only not a defeat, but in fact it is the victory of having been able to break with the inertia of continuing in a relationship that does not make us happy, for the simple fact of not having to recognize that something fundamental is wrong in that marriage or courtship.
3. Observe if there are signs of mistreatment
Sometimes infidelities occur in the context of physical or psychological abuse, that is, situations in which there is a victim who is manipulated or frightened by the other person, establishing a dynamic of unequal power.
For example, some abusers try to blame the victim for the infidelities. They either engage in gaslighting, i.e., trying to convince the other person that they have said or done things that never actually took place. For example: "you implied to me that our relationship was open".
In such cases, the only possible option is to immediately break off the relationship, since staying in the relationship is physically or mentally harmful.
4. If you give each other another chance, start with an apology.
The party who has been unfaithful must acknowledge his or her bad behavior without excuses, in order to try to reweave the relationship on an equal footing, by giving the other person the opportunity to make up for his or her wrongdoing.If you give the other person the opportunity not to excuse the behavior even once it is confirmed by both parties.
5. Express what you feel
In this phase, it is necessary that both of you express your feelings and listen to the other without prejudice and without looking for excuses to start discussions. The purpose of this is to better understand what the underlying problem is.
6. Make a concrete pact
Both of you must reach a pact that states very explicit and concrete goals, so that it is easy to know if you have reached them or not. or not. This pact should require the involvement of both of you, not only of the one who has committed the infidelity, in order not to feed again this asymmetrical dynamic of relating to each other.
7. If necessary, go to therapy
Psychotherapy is a very useful and effective support both to manage your own emotions in individual sessions and to resolve conflicts and improve coexistence and communication in couple therapy.
Are you looking for professional support in a crisis due to infidelity?
As we have seen, if you have gone through an experience of infidelity on the part of your partner and you feel that the situation is beyond you, you should know that this is normal.
This kind of event often means that our lives are turned upside down, leading us to question the authenticity of many things lived together with the person we love, and therefore it is common not only to suffer emotional pain, but also not knowing what to do, how to relate to this new reality that has been revealed. Therefore, in cases like this it is advisable to have psychological support from professionals.
If you are interested in contacting me to carry out sessions of couple therapy or individual psychotherapy, either in person or in a group setting.either in person or online (by video call), please contact me through this page.
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